In the first pic here (taken by Javier Vallhonrat in 1978 in Madrid) I am dressed as a "Flamenca".

It was Javier's stylist and assistant who dressed me like this. I was hoping to get a few pictures in order to be represented as the actress I wanted to be. It was then too, when it became obvious that my face or nose was not on the lucky side of the beauty Spanish westernised cannon.

An abyss of time has gone. I wonder once more about stereotypes and identity.

For Javier, and others, I was looking as a Carmen, as a Flamenca, how far this was or is not an identity beyond being or not a Roma or Gypsy? We can consider this appearances or look alikes in contrast with the conversos, marranos, and moriscos that where left to hide in our weirdly colonised ancient lands. What it really means to be or feel like a Flamenca?

This self awareness about knowing that we were considered as a folkloric subject and how the tourist gaze placed many of us came as cultural shock and an identity crisis.

Specially in London during my short stays to learn dance in 1979-1982, where I was depreciated, looked down as a nobody, and made feel as a ghost who came from exotic Spain.

One illustrating anecdote happen when I was trying to get El Ballet Contemporani de Barcelona (with whom I was vey close) for the Umbrella Festival second editions, I was asked to understand that The Contemporary was made and produced in UK or USA, and advised to promote only Flamenco style dancers or works from Federico García Lorca, by the director of the International Dept of The Arts Council UK.


Here a bit more of the Ballet Contemporani de Barcelona: https://vimeo.com/149651416

More experiences like this in nature, had draw me to revise and to look back at my own "supposed difference" and thus at that supposed retarded social, national or folkloric context that those English cultural agents had pointed out so clearly at me.

By 1985, I felt sad and deceived by the whole "superfluous transition" and the take over of La Movida de Madrid of all what once was dreamt in the 70's more anti-fascist and hope-filled for a left-leaning world that was about to be.
After falling ill in 1983 and having to stop dance as my main practice, I produced the magazine V.O. 1984/5, which included all the connections across Spain and featured artist and cultural thinkers, in what today could be defined as a intuitive attempt to edit and contribute a sort of Visual Culture/ Critical Theory publication. But it failed.

It failed because I had not enough money as flat as that.

In the last attempt of publishing with someone who had approached me as producers (sponsors) I wanted to get rid of all that had to do with what I felt was a colonialist sort of supremacist western domination of my own southern spaniard-catalan and andalusian-vasc culture and an impossibility to have an horizontal conversation with anyone from the anglo-sphere or north of Europe.

Then I turn the theme of my editorial project V.O. on to a Mediterranean objective, but I was only able to produce one issue called Cerca del Mar.

I also felt how the tourist look (which are equivalent to colonialist looks of our context) that was imposed on us, by the anglo-spheric gaze, and then I was working between themes that linked me with biographic memories.

What all this English, USA's tourist gaze had to do with our reality?

Today, and since a long while, the shape of a world is engulfed by the anglo-sphere and its euro-centric based norths that totally divided the coastal sites from where some of us come from or belong to.

Those cultural sediments that perversely where made obsolete, are still part of many of basic unconscious but familiar ways in which we relate to our geographies and how memory suppressed has to do with background and history.

The Mediterranean, its geography, shape, and blue waters, will become our solely guidelines, a feel of belonging on motion and exchange around all cultures that are travellers or escaping political unrest, as once where the Jews who left under the Roman Empire's destruction and colonisation of Jerusalem and its lands.

Myth in this case was an attempt once more to de-folklorice one self as part of discourses of art productions on a time those where monopolised by one voice one artist male.

Its dialectic perhaps but is timely and part of a way of trying to cope with the waves of post-modernism that came always late to Barcelona in the 80's/90's.

Simple quotidian actions, gestures, cleaning, building, dancing, cooking, selling fish etc. the duress of the Mediterranean winters. Its poverty, its nature as object of desire for the peoples of the Global or ancestral North.

But the post-colonial imported theories of hysteric claims that are flattening up the complexity of a world which on its self contains the worlds and civilisations with its migrations, diasporas, wars and ongoing crisis of millenary dynamics clashes with our mediterranean realities which have been subsumed to the point of this flattening fallacy by which many are described today.

We need our own memory, we need clarification, more than ever.

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 me as Flamenca by J.Vallhonrat 1978     
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 me as flamenca anciana Almería 87     
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 La henna, series 1987      
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 La henna, series 1987     
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 Nijar en (al-Mariyy?t) 1987      
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 Burrito at Huebro 87     
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  (al-Mariyy?t) 1987 Isleta del Moro     
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 (al-Mariyy?t) 1987 camino del Plomo     
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 dibujando Almería 87     
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 (al-Mariyy?t) 1987 camino al Plomo     
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 (al-Mariyy?t) 1987 camino al Plomo     
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 antoñicos burrito film el Plomo 87      
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 antoñicos burrito film el Plomo 87      
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 antoñicos burrito film el Plomo 87      
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 me at Huebro Balsa 87     
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 quehaceres del día sierra nijar/88     
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 (al-Mariyy?t) 1987 Aguas Higuera      
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 pinceles estudio carrer Venus 87-88     
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 primas en Alberca 1988 Nijar     
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  primas alberca huebro 89     
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 primos baño alberca huebro 88     
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 ceramica intervenida de Nijar 88     
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 Tu y yo Alberca Huebro Almeria 88     
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 peleas playa Sicilia 89     
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 cocinando en Níjar 89     
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 studioVenus Gracia bcn 1988/9     
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 studio pose demoiselle avignó 88     
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 en Venus, con las Primas robadas      
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 studi gracia c/Venus bcn 88/9     
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 dancer intense ink 88     
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 dancer intense ink 88     
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 dancer intense ink 88     
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 dancer intense ink 88     
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 dancer intense ink 88     
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 bath in night river .... poem 89     
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  (al-Mariyy?t) Luna sola 87     
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 Obreros (abuelo Conrado) 88     
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 La Obra (abuelo Conrado) 88     
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 La masa (abuelo Conrado) 88     
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 danzas sketch 88/9 seville     
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 preparando comidas 88 sevilla     
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 vendedora de peces sevilla 88     
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 myth and poiesis women and bull 88      
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 women and bull ancient friends 1988     
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 primos haciendo luna baños 89     
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 haciendo la luna (water based+ink)     
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 expo en Ignacio Varez Madrid 93     
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 pic with painting: Angela Anessi 94     
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 Catalogue Inst Cervantes Roma/94     
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 Obra Inst Cervantes Rome 1994     
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 Works Instituto Cervantes Roma 94     
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 construcción de la luna 93/4   Galería Ignacio Varez 
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 bath in naples 1988 (col M. Aguero)     
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 recuerdo el baño Barcelona 93   expo en La Central de Energía 
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 primas y el baño 89 indian ink