In the first pic here (taken by Javier Vallhonrat in 1978 in Madrid) I am dressed as a "Flamenca".
It was Javier's stylist and assistant who dressed me like this. I was hoping to get a few pictures in order to be represented as the actress I wanted to be. It was then too, when it became obvious that my face or nose was not on the lucky side of the Spanish beauty cannon.
An abyss of time has gone. I wonder once more about stereotypes and identity.
For Javier, and others, I was looking as a Carmen, as a Flamenca, how far this was or is not an identity beyond being or not a Roma or a Gypsy? We can consider this appearances or lookalikes in contrast with the conversos, marranos, and moriscos that where left to hide in our weirdly colonised ancient lands.
What it really means to be or feel like a Flamenca?
This self awareness about knowing that we were considered as a folkloric subject and how the tourist gaze placed many of us came as cultural shock and an identity crisis.
Specially in London during my short stays to learn dance in 1979-1982, where I was depreciated, looked down as a nobody, and made feel as a ghost who came from exotic Spain.
One illustrating anecdote happen when I was trying to get El Ballet Contemporani de Barcelona (with whom I was vey close) for the Umbrella Festival second editions, I was asked to understand that The Contemporary was made and produced in UK or USA, and advised to promote only Flamenco style dancers or works from Federico García Lorca, by the director of the International Dept of The Arts Council UK.
More experiences like this in nature drew me to revise and to look back at my own "supposed difference" and thus at that supposed retarded social, national or folkloric context that those English cultural agents had pointed out so clearly at me.
After falling ill in 1983 and having to stop dance as my main practice, I produced the magazine V.O. 1984/5, which included all the connections across Spain and featured artist and cultural thinkers, in what today could be defined as a intuitive attempt to edit and contribute a sort of Visual Culture/ Critical Theory publication. But it failed due to lack of money.
In the last attempt of publishing with someone who had approached me as producers (sponsors) I wanted to get rid of all that had to do with what I felt was a colonialist sort of supremacist anglo western domination of my own Southern European culture and an impossibility to have an horizontal conversation with any of them.
Then I turn the theme of my editorial project V.O. on to a Mediterranean cultural studies as its objective, but sadly I was only able to produce one issue called Cerca del Mar.
I also learnt how the tourist gaze (which are equivalent to colonialist looks of our context) that was imposed on us, by the anglo-spheric imaginaries and then I was working between themes that linked me with biographic memories.
What all this English, USA's tourist gaze had to do with our reality?
Did we performed for them "the Spaniard stereotype as in Welcome Mister Marshall film by Jose María Berlanga?
Today, and since a long while, the shape of a world is engulfed by the anglo-sphere and its euro-centric norths that have totally divided the coastal sites from where some of us come from or belong to.
Those cultural sediments that perversely where made obsolete, are still part of many of basic unconscious but familiar ways in which we relate to our geographies and how memory suppressed has to do with background and history.
The Mediterranean, its geography, shape, and blue waters, will become our solely guidelines, a feel of belonging on motion and exchange around all cultures that are travellers or escaping political unrest, as once where the Jews who left under the Roman Empire's destruction and colonisation of Jerusalem and its lands.
Simple quotidian actions, gestures, cleaning, building, dancing, cooking, selling fish etc. the duress of the Mediterranean winters. Its poverty, its nature as object of desire for the peoples of the Global or the old- barbaric and ancestral North, as Jose Luis Racionero had pointed out during the 70's when he came back from Berkley.
But the post-colonial imported theories of hysteric claims that are flattening up the complexity of a world which on its self contains the worlds and civilisations with its migrations, diasporas, wars and ongoing crisis of millenary dynamics clashes with our mediterranean realities which have been subsumed to the point of this flattening fallacy by which many are described today.